A new chapter in my life has begun. Think of bigger things then those who have no dreams. Smarten up! Look, observe, listen and take into effect everything that has happened. No matter what happens in my life I feel I am always going to be lonely. So now what is the next correct action. I only live once so I might as well try to enjoy what I have even though it will be difficult. Walk away and forget all those good times that were spent. It was great while it lasted. Always be respectful, courteous, sincere, caring and thoughtful even when the clouds are grey and there is no sunshine. Be optimistic, diligent, positive and focused because one day if you just keep trying something will take place. It wasn’t right for me and wasn’t right for the other, but at least we enjoyed and learn’t from the experience. Time to disappear again, it will give me time to think what I truly want in life. It’s obviously not what I thought I had or what I really wanted, but clearly you saw that from the beginning. Trust yourself and just be happy, life is too short to be depressed. This is only going to make you stronger =)
The moon is so bright outside and the wolves are howling again. Absolutely incredible. Life has never been so good. I’m finally out of debt, I have money in the bank, I finally got my passport, I almost have enough money saved up to buy a car and my thoughts are in the right place. I have been patiently waiting for this time and feeling for a very long time. I am so proud of myself. Even though sometimes I still get down I know deep down inside I have accomplished a great deal in this past year. My book is almost done and I am excited to get it edited and published. I’m sure no one now ever reads this blog but who knows, maybe down the road people will look back through the pages to follow where my life was, where it is and where it is going. Even if they don’t at least I can. I love escaping to my imagination and my idea’s, no one can ever take my thoughts away from me. My creative self will always be there, along with my artistic and musical side. Even though my own personal life is not as I planned or hoped to be at least I can write about a life I wish I had. True love is a big part of that story. One day I bet though it will come true, either on paper, in a movie or even just in someone’s mind. At least I can say I tried rather than to have never tried at all. I’m coastin on a dream.
Another restless night, another thought betrayed, another attempt wasted. Black out not to remember true reality. Forget what you want to know and don’t think or pay attention to what really matters. Push it aside and keep it bundled up because people won’t understand anyway. Quit wasting your time. It always could be worse, but it always could be better. Life is a dream, just wake up already and realize they don’t care about you. Push ur life to the limit until you cross the line. Rise above everything. You are way stronger than you think. Escape to where you are finally happy, even though it seems unreachable. It’s very doubtful someone will ever be found, but you just have to stay optimistic. Just try not to care so much any more. Be persistent and don’t ever give up, otherwise you have failed yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say something positive for once, because you’ve worked hard and you deserve it. All smiles and sunshine baby, fuck shit yeah! ;)
Why do people lie? How come they go out of their way to intentionally hide the truth, hoping you don’t find out. Just when you thought you found something you could hold on to, trust and rely on it turns out to be the exact opposite. Worst is when you have to dig and put two and two together to figure it out, otherwise it would have gone unnoticed and unsaid, which hurts the most. Then you confront and ask but it’s still attempted to be hidden. Wait patiently for nothing. I feel like I have no one right now. Might as well not even care any more, bout friends, bout girls, bout anything. Fuck a best friend, back stab and deny, the ways of a true individual. Stay true to yourself and one day you will find others that are on the same level. Keep your head up and just stay focused on your dreams and goals. Be stronger then those who put you down, cuz in the long run clearly they don’t care. Work so hard to make it work yet it just falls apart. Story of my life. Two weeks of being alone and lonely coming down so happy and excited to be with good company to find out they’ve been quite busy without you, absolutely heart broken. Oh well, life goes on. Whatever
